on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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