Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
