Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
