Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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