I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
