he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
