I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
