I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Someone came in the potted fern
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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