I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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