Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize