i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
