Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize