i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
