You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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