My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
