yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
