He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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