When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
