Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
