i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
