i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
