yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
