Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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