Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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