I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
