He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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