Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
God, I missed his penis.
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