Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
