I think I died a long time ago.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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