So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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