do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
