i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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