Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
