so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
