people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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