how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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