I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
