using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
