bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
