I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
