You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
