I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
