I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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