I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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