I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think your dad took our porno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
