I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
