we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
