I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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