apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
