she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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