I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
