Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
