i just had sex bonerless
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize