We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
