Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even my farts smell like vagina
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
