I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
