Im at strip club and am horny
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
