i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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