My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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