When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
