Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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