I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
