Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
