somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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